Your Head's In My Fridge
by the ice skating sheep
Summary: Here are some more Green Wing shorts I found on my computer. Not much more to be said really. There's a camel... reviews anybody?
1. To be or not to be a packet of crisps

You're Head's in My Fridge

Disclaimer: Still do not own Green Wing. But my plans for world domination are coming together nicely.

Summary: Here are some more shorts I found on my hard drive. It's Green Wing so therefore random.

To be or not to be… a packet of crisps

"Oranges and lemons

Sang the bells of saint Clements." Guy sang as he twisted the tubes stuck in the patient's mouth into funny shapes.

"Look it's a dog!" he cried.

-----

"So what is your view on ready salted crisps?" Caroline asked Mac.

"I don't know. Should I have a view on ready salted crisps?"

"It's a good thing to have; you never know when you might need an opinion on them."

"When would I ever need an opinion on ready salted crisps?"

"Well lets just say a journalist comes to the hospital one day to do a report, they could turn around and ask you for you view on ready salted crisps, if you don't have one then what would you say?"

"Erm, next question."

"Alright but what if her next question is what colour would you prefer your ready salted crisp packet to be, yellow, pink, blue or other?"

"Erm, pass."

"You can't pass on everything, you'd look silly. What if she asked you do you ever eat ready salted crisps and if not why not?"

"Wouldn't that be covered in the first question, what are my views on ready salted crisps?"

"Yes but you passed on that question."

"Oh fair point. Then I would have to say, yes I do eat ready salted crisps but not exclusively."

"Why not, are they too salty for you?"

"No, I just have this thing going with prawn cocktail at the moment. What about you, do you only eat ready salted crisps or do you secretly enjoy another flavour?"

"I have to admit I do like salt and vinegar but please don't tell ready salted that – he'd be crushed."

"You're secret's safe with me."

"What do you think would happen if you got trapped in a room with just a packet of crisps for company?" Caroline asked.

"I don't know. What flavour is this packet of crisps?"

"Ready salted."

"I'd probably eat it."

"You can't eat it – that packet of ready salted crisps would have been your only friend. Cannibal."

Just then their pagers beeped simultaneously and they went off to open more people up and sew them back together again.


	2. Jam or marmalade

Jam or Marmalade?

"Garlic."

"Ginger."

"Grapes."

"Garibaldi's."

"Should we even ask?" Caroline and Boyce looked at first Mac and then Guy.

"We're seeing who can name the most foods beginning with the letter 'g'." Mac explained. "It's your turn Guy."

"G…g…Gandalf!" Guy cried.

"What is it with people shouting fictional Lord of the Rings characters? You can't eat Gandalf."

"You could if you were a cannibalistic hobbit. You try thinking of something else beginning with g then."

"Gorgonzola."

"Damn it!" Guy cried and proceeded to balance the pint glass on his forehead.

That was when the pink camel resurfaced to steal coco-pops this time.

-------

"Are you actually going to stand like this all day?" Caroline asked as Guy fiddled with the tubes connected to the machines in surgery.

"Yep. I bet Mackerel here that I wouldn't be able to do it." He said re-positioning the pint glass, which was now full of loose change and parking tickets on his forehead.

"You do realise that balancing the pint glass on your face was the forfeit for losing our earlier bet, right?" Mac looked across at him.

"Well ginger-breath I turned what could have been a losing situation into a winning one! 'Cos I'm so great."

"Uh-huh." Mac said.

"Yes I am. I am great."

"Guy, put the patient down." Caroline warned.

"The patient should feel lucky."

"Yeah lucky to be unconscious." Mac retorted.

"I heard that. Can't stop me now! I'm having such a good time – I'm having a ball! Hey that almost hit me! Stop chucking spatulas at me!"

------

A/n yes I do mean spatulas, not scalpels as you were thinking. Both Caroline and Mac have come prepared with kitchen utensils to throw at Guy.


	3. Office wars

Office Wars

Sue White stared at Guy.

"Is it Secretan as in Secretary?"

"No it's Secretan as in Secretan. It's Swiss you moron."

"Right Guy Secretary."

"It's Secretan."

"Secretary."

"Secretan."

"Secretary."

"Secretan."

"Secretary."

"Secretan."

"Secretary."

"Secretan."

"Secretary."

They both stared at each other, neither moving until Sue began to hiss like a snake and her arms began to grow long and spindly.

"Whatever." Guy said and walked out.

"Oh look Jesus is back." Sue noticed as he walked passed her open door, angels flying around him and singing 'halleluiah'.


	4. Til the Cows Come Home

Till The Cows Come Home

"Mooo."

"Are you mooing at me?" Mac asked.

"Mooo." Caroline nodded. "Moooooooo!" she let out a big moo.

Mac shrugged and joined in.

"Ahh, Dr. McCartney." Dr. Stratham saw Mac, "I wondered if I could have a word with you in my office?"

Just then Mac's pager beeped at him and he shrugged his shoulders.

"Moo." He said and went in the same direction that Caroline had.

"Boyce!" Dr. Stratham yelled, as Boyce floated along.

"Was Mac mooing at you just then?"

"Er, yes – yes I believe he was."

"Oh." Boyce said.

"Boyce I wanted to talk to you about your conduct earlier."

"Moooo." Boyce said.

"Don't you moo at me!"

"Mooooooooo!" Boyce mooed.

"Boyce stop mooing."

"Moo." Boyce said.

"Stop it." He paused and Boyce said nothing. "Good. Now…"

"Mooo!"

"Boyce stop it."

"Mooo, moo, mooo." Boyce said and stole his paperweight.

"Boyce come back here, stop mooing and give me my paper weight back." Dr. Stratham yelled.

"Hehe. Moo." Boyce called back and carried on floating down the corridor.

Dr. Stratham stomped his feet in vein. As he did so the pink camel arrived again and stole his desk.


	5. Carrots, who will buy my carrots?

Carrots – who will buy my carrots

Disclaimer: Same as always, I do not own… blah blah blah.

Summary: A conversation involving carrots. And our favourite camel is back.

"Carrots or amphetamines?" Guy asked.

"What?" Mac looked at Caroline as they performed open heart surgery.

"Which would you rather have, carrots, or amphetamines?"

"Well, carrots are just another boring vegetable but they do help you see in the dark. Whereas amphetamines might kill you but on the plus side you'd be high so you wouldn't care." Mac reasoned.

"I'd rather have the carrots." Caroline said.

"Why?" Mac asked.

"I think they'd go better with chicken. They're a very versatile vegetable, carrots."

"She has a point." Guy said.

It was at this point the pink camel decided to make his appearance and stole the patient.

"Hey where'd the patient go?" Guy asked.

"It was that pink camel. He stole our patient."

"Oh well." Guy said and proceeded to dance around a large barrel of carrots.


End file.
